so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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