Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize