All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
