I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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