Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize