is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
