The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
