Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
