I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
