i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ttyl tear gas
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize