I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
