You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
