How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
