I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
