I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
