Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
