I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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