ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
