you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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