Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
