you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
