I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
