Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
