dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
