She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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