I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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