he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
