Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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