So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
