i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
