You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
