just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
