i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
