you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
