once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So many bounce houses so little time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
