I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
