I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
