all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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