Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
