is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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