Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize