He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
