if i can run in heels then i can drive
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
