We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
