Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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