I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
