I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
