he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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