Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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