new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
