you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
