dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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