Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
