i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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