She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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