I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
