DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
