im about as happy as oj after his trial
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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