3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
