College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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