dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize