my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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