My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
