I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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