Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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